rush has killed my self confidence
by: :/coming into rush i had a lot of girls reaching out to me and commenting and following on instagram. then i got back all the houses i liked for philanthropy and i thought i had AMAZING convos with them. and they all dropped me for sisterhood. i got back the houses where the convos weren’t as easy. it honestly makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me? i felt like the convos were flowing so well with those houses i liked, but it now makes me feel like there’s something wrong with my personality
#1by: Just keep swimming
I hate reading posts like this! Rush is a grueling process in many ways, but do not let change who you are or how you feel about yourself. Solutions: get a good night's sleep, call your family, call your high school best friends, work out, make sure you eat enough and stay hydrated. This will be over soon.
Comment#2by: Same :(
by: Same :(
I felt like I checked all the boxes and was so happy/excited when I got off the calls. I don’t know what was wrong w me
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by: Hi
You only need one, and the one(s) that you got back dropped other people and chose you.
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#3by: !
I’m sorry girl! :( There’s nothing wrong with you! We can only take so many girls. PLEASE give the houses you didn’t think the conversations were as easy at a chance! They’re inviting you back because they can see you in their sisterhood! I hate repeating trust the process but genuinely, trust the process! You’ll find your home and everything will all work out. Good luck! 💖
#4by: mo
I think sometimes during the early rounds of rush the conversations that seemed really good are ones where the actives were really adept at keeping the conversation going even if they weren't really getting to know you all that well. Sometimes the conversations that you remember as harder were harder for "you" meaning you were doing more of the work. Some of the conversations that you felt were "easy" and "flowed well" might have not been memorable for the actives which is why you might not have been in the top of their list. Stick with the houses you have left. You might really be surprised if you put in the work what true relationships can develop.
This was true for me even after I joined my house. I still had to put in the work to develop relationships and get to know people. I went to my house everyday and introduced myself to people. I asked questions and listened. . .before long, I truly found my people. I couldn't be happier.
by: YESSSSSSSSS
by: Yes yes yes
by: Excellent answer
by: me
@mo -- Extremely accurate comment, couldn't have said it better myself.
To add to this--in joining any sorority, any PNM is going to have to do the work of showing up and making a big effort to get to know the NMs and actives. That is how friendships and a sisterhood are built.
When people get bids to houses they may not initially have wanted, they misinterpret this work (which all NMs have to do) as something that only they have to do due to their house not being a good fit.
But this has more to do with their perception and attitude of doing the actual work it takes to build lifelong friendships and a sisterhood instead of that particular house. If they drop, they are cheating themselves out of a golden opportunity because they didn't want to do the work sisterhood takes.
It's anyone's choice if they want to do the work or not, but know that a sisterhood is an active process that takes work and not just something you fall into.
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by: B
#6by: Nopes
There’s nothing wrong with you. One girl does not get to decide if you stay. Picture the wizard of oz- literally one or a few people back behind the curtain pulling all the strings. The girls you spoke to were probably equally pissed you were dropped. They probably pulled for you. But it doesn’t matter. There’s a small group in each house and a handful of alums-they have the power and are looking for a certain demographic. It’s ridiculous.
by: How!?
by: THIS!
Yes! This is how it's done at Bama in most houses I'd guess. I know it was in ours. And it's a bad way of doing it. At my sisters school, her chapter (same sorority as mine) actually voted on every single girl. Yes, it took forever but they had the chance to stand up for someone. It was all done behind the curtain. I'm not lying when I tell you I loved girls that I rushed, gave them perfect scores yet they were dropped. Not every time but often- way too often. Then we had girls come back who nobody even knew or advocated for. Maybe they were from the chapter advisor or recruitment chair's hometown, maybe her Mom's friend's daughter, and so on. So don't take it personally. It's a racket at UA and very very unfair to the sisters in the house who are forced to have these long conversations, and be the face of the one that dropped them. And the members don't like it either. It is specifically unfair to Sophomores and some Juniors who are doing the bulk of recruiting, following and commenting on Instagram, but then ignored once they turn in their scores. It's a mess. It's unfair. Don't take it to heart. It's NOT you. If you feel you had a good conversation YOU DID. It's this messed up rigged system. "Trust the Process" is a bunch of crap. THIS is the process.
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#7by: Guest
Remember that how you act with one house does get around to the others. If you’re texting, not paying attention, slouching, etc on one or more of your zoom calls with a house you’re not interested in, that will get back to the other houses and could cause them to drop you even if you had a great experience talking to them. Not saying any of y’all specifically did this, because there’s tons of reasons a house may drop you, but I’m best friends with the recruitment chair in my chapter and I know they all talk and that it’s definitely been an issue with PNMs this semester.
by: 💯
This! There were several PNMs that were very rude to lower houses early on because they thought they were too good. They acted disinterested, did the calls laying down, etc. They thought it wouldn’t matter to the top houses. But guess what? We’re all friends here. So those girls in the lower houses told girls in the top houses they know and guess what? We cut you, not because of how you acted in front of our members, but because of how you treated the houses you felt were below you. Humility, empathy and grace are key attributes that will get you through to the next round. At every house.
Do you regret how you treated them yet?
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#9by: So sorry!
The thing is, you only see your own convo. Maybe the girls in the houses you like were amazing at bringing out the best in people and had to work harder with you. You would never know. That shouldn't crush you. Not everyone is perfect at this type of thing and THAT'S OK! All the houses are good and you're lucky that you still have some houses that love you. Some girls have been dropped completely. Please try to find a new favorite and realize that any house will be an amazing sorority experience.
#10by: Rush MD
I find humor and truth in most of these comments. As in life, the chess board is already set. Some know how to play the game better than others. Most of you girls are playing checkers. Do the high seniors a favor, tell them to go to the Rush Doctor before blindly going through the process. My success rate is marvelous. Xoxoxo ...good luck in your journey home.
by: So true
My mom hired a certain rush coach. Let’s just say that my card was full and I will have a choice of my top two houses at perf. I didn’t ask how much it cost but it was well worth it.
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by: omg
I’m the exact same as you. i’m in state, good gpa, great involvement, know a lot of girls in houses. Full card back for philanthropy and sisterhood too. But the ones that i felt comfortable in and loved dropped me. It’s so confusing and weird
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