THE MEATBALL MANIFESTO

The meatball manifesto has been years in the making, at its inception beginning in the year 2022. Twas the year I saw a future leader step through the arch of 2880 Wesbrook mall. A leader who would rid the Greek system of its many sins. The fall’22 rush class brought in a shy little meatball from Toronto. Little did I know we would partner up in my 7th year whilst completing my degree at Corpus Christi. Behold, nearly four years in the making and finally seeing the light of day- the meatball manifesto:

1. Garner power on the IFC: spend years accumulating goodwill and friendships, play on other frat hockey teams, for instance. Be a friendly face and an ally to all. In this way will we be able to capture a vote and secure power at the helm of the fraternities.

2. Promise change under the guise of benefitting all: point out faults in the system and where we can do better. Collectively present a team that is for the fraternities and make people believe the Greek system will once rise to its former glory.

3. Favor Kappa Sigma always, but ensure you appear to be impartial: speak with true conviction how you are not a Kappa Sigma, but the President of the IFC. Ensure that all those around may be tricked to believe you are truly a representative of all and have no bias. Once this facade has been achieved, begin to fulfil your destiny to raise the wolf of Aekdb.


4. Dirty rushing will be our force, backed by the power of the IFC: those who oppose us and pose threat, we must resort to dirty rushing and craft rumours. These rumours may translate to evidence at our behest, and will serve to punish those who get in our way.

5. Over-acknowledge the wrongdoings of others, protect and prohibit any knowledge of those by Ksig: drinking at formal rush - a common practice for as long as we can remember - can be utilized in practice to drown the glory of our enemies. We must penalize those whom we can (not represented by IFC). Social bans can be used at our will to squash the reputations of those against us.

6. Almost Friday: a glimpse into the happiness of your life will make your enemies rage with envy. Ensure a weekly post including all fraternal ferda-fest activities are continued through peril and will never cease. Rise above the cloud of hatred you will naturally receive, as you are making the hard choice to better the system. Moreover, you are raising the one true purpose of your life Kappa Sigma to a place where no frat would be able to achieve, the status of touse. You may be remembered as meatball, but your heart will forever remain responsible for touse.