Undisputed FRATTY Ranks 2021

Ranks based on which houses would win in a case race:

1.) DU - Lots of units. Low on brain cells. These guys were fed Heineken from infancy. Success depends on how many whip-its were taken that morning.

2.) Sig Chi - Pretty much exclusively drinks miller high lifes, so if anything else is picked for the race they’re not looking good. Probably will just dump their beers into the pool they never use.

3.) Chi Phi - Some units, some mid-sized sedans. Chi Phi’s tolerance is comparable to DU’s, but they’d be too busy watching their high school football highlight tapes and wrestling each other to keep up.

4.) Chi Psi - a few units, but they could have a chance at winning if they call up their alumni from when they were top house. Will likely be too busy talking about the “lodge”.

5.) DX - essentially all skinny lads, only chance at doing any damage to the case is if there’s core four girls to impress (unlikely)

6.) TDX - the half of TDX on the football team bring them up, but the other half of non-units will bring them down. Could have a chance at winning if they “thumpty” the other teams.

7.) Sig Phi - though you’ll have to tear them away from their squash match, if Sig Phi pays their personal servants to compete for them, then they might have a chance. If that doesn’t work, they’ll have to lay off the caviar at breakfast and hope to at least beat Beta.

8.) Beta - Cornell’s Beta chapter is known as an alcohol-free house. They’ll just leave a sign that says “free keystone” by their cases and hope that some freshman in Donlon sees it.

9.) Sig pi - last and least we have Snitch Pi. Being more accustomed to breastmilk hinders any desire to partake, and their commitment to posting on greekrank at all times has overtaken any ability to compete. We’d be lucky to see them open a single can.