HARDO Ranks 2020

Ranks based on which houses would win in a case race:

1.) ΔΥ - Otherwise known as the fraternity of units, DU’s juniors and seniors would give all other frats the work. It is said that a single man in this fraternity once finished a case faster than the entire country of Ireland.

2.) ΣΧ - a close second, but Sig Chi’s unit/twig ratio isn’t anything to go on about. Would probably try to shotgun every one in order to compete.

3.) ΧΦ - Some units, some mid-sized sedans. Chi Phi’s tolerance is comparable to DU’s, but they’d be too busy watching their high school football highlight tapes to keep up. Would be more motivated if you told them they could bet on themselves.

4.) ΧΨ - Chi Psi has some units, but they could have a chance at winning if they call up their alumni from when they were a top 2 house. Otherwise they’d be too busy fixing their hair to focus.

5.) ΘΔΧ - the half of TDX on the football team will bring them up, but the other half of non-units will likely bring them down. Could have a chance at winning if they “thumpty” the other teams

6.) ΣΦ - though you’ll have to tear them away from their squash match, if Sig Phi pays their personal servants to compete for them, then they might have a chance. If that doesn’t work, they’ll have to lay off the caviar at breakfast and hope to at least beat Beta.

7.) ΒΘΠ - Cornell’s Beta chapter is known as an alcohol-free house. They’ll just leave a sign that says “free keystone” by their cases and hope that some freshman in Donlon sees it.

8.) ΣΠ - last but not least we have Sig Pi. Being accustomed to breastmilk makes this competition much more difficult for them. They’d be too busy posting on greekrank to do anything here. We’d be lucky to see them open a can.