sc to start pro qb; expected to troll vegas, save day

BREAKING

In the aftermath of the untimely and unfortunate injury to Lambda Chi member JT Daniels, USC football has formulated a plan to stay competitive this season as they announced early Wednesday morning that they have recruited and will start an NFL quarterback in the coming weeks.

The quarterback’s name has not been revealed in order to limit this week’s opponent’s ability to scout but word has it the QB in question is one of the best in the business.

Interestingly the move was not made by Coach Helton or by anybody on the football team. This move came from the administration as led by USC’s president who, shockingly, does actually exist.

Last Spring USC came under fire for admitting students who were recruited for sports they didn’t actually play.

‘We wanted to show we do in fact value legitimate athletic ability and that we aim to put our best foot forward as an athletic program. What better way to do that than to start an NFL quarterback. Not only does this athlete actually play football, he’s a professional.’ Said the SC president. ‘We think it’s important to demonstrate our commitment as a University to providing the best to our students, alumni, and faculty. This is a step in the right direction.’

The initial response to the move amongst students and SC football players has been positive though it caused a commotion amongst Las Vegas odds makers as the line of this week’s game shifted from USC -1, to USC -40.

‘I realize it’s not conventional’ said an anonymous Vegas odds maker, but everyone loves to watch a great quarterback do his thing. I think it will be good for the school. They could use a morale boost.’

Of course this move begs the question, ‘is this even legal’?

The answer: hell no!

But it’s the SC way...

Fight on SC. Fight on.