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It's not dumb that you can't decide, that's really hard for you I'm sure. I personally would at least give rush a shot this year, if not to just get a feel for it. You just have to decide what kind of experience you want- joining an established chapter, getting a big, having a house right away, or getting to influence a chapter that will hopefully be here for many years. I'm not saying one is better than the other but they are very different experiences and you have to decide which one is best for you.